Why Joy & Sorrow Live in the Same Heart; An Artist’s Guide to Healing Perfectionism
“Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.”
These words by Kahlil Gibran pierced me as an artist who’s spent years struggling with perfectionism and close to as many years learning to overcome self-doubt.
Many artists, like me and maybe you, struggle with perfectionism that’s developed from criticism in our lives, invisibility, and the rejection of not fitting in. This seems far away from our creativity but it’s what happens when our experiences transform into feelings of self-doubt, which makes the joy of creating feel unsafe. (aka perfectionism)
Perfectionism is not in our creativity, it lies in us in like a silent watcher, ready to pounce at any given moment. It grows in our inner soil. The place that’s reinforced every time we experience self-doubt and believe it. Eventually that soil provides us a shield we use to protect ourselves from pain.
“If I do it perfectly, no one can criticize (aka hurt) me” - sound familiar?
Overtime, this shield begins to become our comfort zone. It is where we feel most safe because that voice of self-doubt and criticism (we now do to ourselves more than anyone else could do to us) has been there for so long.
Eventually, joy feels unsafe too. How could it? If we let ourselves feel it, we know it’s only a matter of time before that rug will be pulled from under our feet.
Joy makes us vulnerable. We when feel joy, it can be crushed by disapproval.
Personally, I know perfectionism and self-doubt intimately and it has cost me in immeasurable ways.
It has stolen major connections to my creativity, my intuition, and my emotional expression during the hard times in life I could have used it most.
Mostly, it’s kept me from touching neither joy nor sorrow fully. I was taught to create only what was “beautiful”, not real, to prepare and polish an idea before ever stepping to the canvas, to find a story that would sell instead of a story that was true.
Underneath that training? Years of self-criticism, of feeling like I didn’t fit in, of chasing approval that never came, and eventually nearly a year long block that prevented me from even caring about being an artist, much less stepping into my studio.
Do you see? Perfectionism promises safety—but it steals our joy. And the irony is, it carries sorrow too. Because every brushstroke done in fear is a quiet grief for the freedom we never give ourselves to create with honest expression of joy or pain causing dishonesty and the sorrowful voice that plays over and over “this is not good enough...we are not good enough”.
“…When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”
Now, as I return to my art with new eyes, I see what Gibran meant. My joy has always been tied to my sorrow, to the reality of life that includes both. The parts of me that ache for honest expression are the very same parts that long for real connection.
And when I avoid sorrow, I also avoid joy. When I silence my art and who I am to be “perfect,” I silence the possibility of being fully alive, of actually experiencing it, and ultimately of truly connecting with other people who need to hear the message that’s coming out of that expression.
If you’re an artist who struggles with perfectionism, maybe you’ve felt this too—that fear of joy because it feels unsafe, unfamiliar, or too fleeting. But joy isn’t reckless. Joy is resilient. It grows from the same soil as your pain. It’s the flower that rises through the cracks of what tried to break you.
If we understand that we can also understand the essence of this poem and understand joy and sorrow are two sides of the same coin.
“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain…When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy…”
Can we understand then that this perfectionism and feeling of sorrow, the deeper it goes, sets us up for the most intense feelings of joy? I believe so.
So, how do we actually overcome perfectionism?
In small steps that allow us to name, notice, and reframe our experiences until we feel a shift. We must not be passive in this life, but active in our healing and move with intention for overcoming. Here are some ideas:
- Journal: What sorrow am I carrying that is still shaping me? What joy am I afraid of feeling because it may be taken away? If art journaling helps you process, grab my free guide for Healing Through Art.
- Create a mini piece in a sketchbook or on a scrap of paper only following what your current emotions feel like, no source, no plan. Use your non-dominant hand or limit yourself to 10 minutes. The Goal - Imperfection. List the rules you’ve unconsciously been following in your art. Which ones are suffocating your joy? How did it feel to intentionally let go of control? Where did perfectionism sneak in? For 30+ exercises and reflections grab my free Rekindled Artist Workbook if this helps you.
- Consciously replace the intention of perfect with interesting, authentic, present, alive, or honest instead. Redefine your goals with your art. This is not settling - it is becoming.
- Supporting others - Sharing our own vulnerability can help just like I do here.
- Join in my free and safe group on Facebook, The Artist's Journey Within the Canvas to share your own experiences.
- Leave a comment about your experience below right on this blog.
- Encourage others to see their vulnerability as their strength by offering tools and prompts others can use that you've personally learned.
Joy & Sorrow are Inseparable
After reading and absorbing this poem, at least for me ,and I hope now for you too, there is a wisdom here for life that is undeniable.
Perfectionism tries to split joy and sorrow but that split hurts us because it is dishonest. If we redefine beauty we can understand that the most beautiful parts of life are honest, raw, scarred and full of overcoming, not perfect. Welcoming real, true emotions like both joy and sorrow into our lives is part of becoming free, more real as artists and as humans.
What can you do today to keep perfectionism from stealing your joy? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
Hey, I’m Sabrina. An artist, mom, wife, and woman learning to embrace the beauty within the layers of life. With a background in psychology and a personal journey through silence, I've come to believe our voice is our greatest strength. Through my art and writing, I hope to help women see their own resilience, confidence, and truth reflected back at them.
You can follow alongside me on this artistic journey on Facebook
